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The fall season brings on the warmth of new layers, just like transition and change does. In reflecting about the nature of change, I often see this - change doesn’t come all at once. It happens in steps and stages that add up to bigger change. The bigger change gets people’s attention, and they go “wow, how did you do that?!” They are amazed. What they miss seeing is everything that led up to that. But don’t let that fool you. Change happens in layers just like the season we’re in.Â
This week, we talked to Mo, about transition and change in the context of immigrating to Canada, starting a new life, and building a sense of community and belonging while remaining true to yourself.Â
Talk to me about beginning new chapters and starting something new
My whole immigration experience. Everything is new here. Meeting new people, new cultures, food, job, healthcare, working environment, getting back to school. Everything. The working environment here is a whole kind of challenge, without having Canadian work experience. I'm hoping everything will be fine as I keep on moving, exploring new things in life. I’d love to visit new places here, with time.Â
That’s a lot of change all at once. I think the immigration experience is such a unique experience because of that, because everything is new all at the same time. What’s helping you with that?
It's about taking a leap of faith, trusting the process, always saying to yourself that everything's gonna get better. And, finding the right friends as well to give you company and be there for you. It helps a lot. What I've realized is that it's very lonely here, if you don't have anybody like your family. So you have to go forward with finding friends. Your friends become your family.Â
Tell me more about the importance of community and connection for you within this context
You have things in common, like your values. Finding people and building friendships is like finding your own tribe outside of your immediate family. People you align with, not just for fun, but people who share the same values and the same perspective on life. I’ve made a couple of good friends, and one friend, we knew each other from before. Luckily we found ourselves here. I’ve met other friends through him. Most are from the same country. We speak the same language. Usually, you find out somehow we are connected or our parents grew up together. It’s not unusual for my country, since it’s small. You build on relationships that have preexisted, and you feel comfortable hanging out and being with them. It’s like home. That’s the kind of feeling they have.
Having that connection and community is really powerful and important. You mentioned taking a leap of faith when we started talking. Can you tell me more about that?
When you meet people, they are unknown. You choose to see the good in them rather than seeing the bad. That takes faith, and it helps you to keep getting close. I’m also a very spiritual person. Prayer is a consistent part of my life. Every time I pray, things most times go my way. So, I'm a person who believes in praying and trust prayer. I also believe it protects you from harmful things in life. When I pray, I feel good, I feel happy, I feel supported. It’s a form of gratitude for me.
What else has been helpful for you as you go from one change to another in so many different areas in your life?
Well, it's trusting the process, respecting people's boundaries, and trying to learn. Updating yourself helps with your mindset about change and transition. It improves your knowledge. I enjoy reading. I grew up in boarding school. So, pretty much I've been out of my home several times either being at school or university. When I came to Canada, I've known how to live with it. So I have this mindset from a pretty young age.
What would you tell someone who is struggling with taking a leap of faith and starting something new?
It’s important to know when that time has come to start something new. Change is a fact of life. It is overwhelming and challenging. It requires a lot of courage and a stable mindset to let go of the past and focus on new adventures and discoveries. To me, it doesn't matter whether I fail on the first attempt, nobody is perfect. But rather to be consistent. That is key. That mindset gives me the strength to start over when things don’t work out. We need to train our minds for fresh beginnings, hoping to win, and achieve great things in life.
In speaking with Mo, his inner strength and resilience really struck me. He seemed to respond to challenges with ease despite having so many things he’s adjusting to while he builds his life in Canada. I could personally relate to his immigration experience as it had many similarities to my own.Â
In other parts of the conversation (not included here), he spoke about his parents and other types of relationships as well, which taught him the value of being honest with himself and other people while being kind and remaining steady.
These are all the layers of warmth for Mo, that give him internal and external comfort and support. What are yours?
If you don’t know or haven’t figured it out, I’d encourage you to take some time during this season to pay attention to this area, so you may move forward with ease as well into the coming season.
Note: We’ve edited the conversation for easy reading while maintaining the integrity of Mo’s words, experiences, journey, and intentions. Name(s) have been changed for privacy and any similarities are purely coincidental.Â
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Hiba is a holistic psychotherapist specializing in trauma, couples treatment, and culture. She's passionate about solving mental health crises by practicing prevention. She brings over 18 years of experience working with individuals, couples, & families in her private practice. She is known for her work on the transmission of trauma and its impact on relationships.
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