When you really look at the fall season, it really represents life and death. Although the falling leaves look beautiful, we’re actually witnessing their death. It sounds strange, to see beauty in something involving death. But it also makes sense. Because, this ending is followed by a season of renewal, a new start, or a rebirth. Today, I’m sharing with you Rachel’s journey with grief, and how it was a catalyst for healing generational trauma, not just for herself, but for her mom as well. And, how it has inspired her life’s work and passion.
The fall season brings on the warmth of new layers, just like transition and change does. In reflecting about the nature of change, I often see this - change doesn’t come all at once. It happens in steps and stages that add up to bigger change. The bigger change gets people’s attention, and they go “wow, how did you do that?!” They are amazed. What they miss seeing is everything that led up to that. But don’t let that fool you. Change happens in layers just like the season we’re in. This week, we talked to Mo, about transition and change in the context of immigrating to Canada, starting a new life, and building a sense of community and belonging while remaining true to yourself.
Courage is a practice. In therapy, I bear witness to this daily - people using their voices to find and connect to their truth. This is to all the ones engaged intentionally in their healing. Your active participation in your healing journey is a courageous act of truth-telling. Your voice doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes it starts as a whisper. A single step. It evolves, transforms, and grows bigger over time. Till, it takes more space in your life; showing up in more areas as you grow and return to what feels natural to you.
In, Abandon Your Fear, Not Yourself, we delved into how to celebrate yourself by practicing showing up in your life from a place of freedom, joy, and self-confidence rather than fear. So you can be yourself anytime, anywhere, with anyone. We also covered why being what you think other people need you to be, is a trauma response. Today we’re delving into a type of fear that might show up for you in relationships: Fear of rejection and/or abandonment. Why is this important? Because this fear is part of your attachment style, which affects how you feel about yourself, your pattern of reactions, and your relationships. If your attachment style centers on fear, then there’s a good chance you’re letting fear make choices for you.
In last week’s post, we talked about three ways to cultivate your courage: Try, Trust, and Tell. We’re delving more deeply into Trying: How Trying is a core part of courage through being spontaneous, having fun, and trying new things. Why Trying might be more challenging if you’re someone stuck in trauma survival, and What you can do today to move through this to support your wellness and healing, and start to trust yourself. To refresh your memory… Trying is about the courage to take action, trying something new or different, “first attempts,” having initiative, leading, and stepping up.
Change doesn’t follow a straight line. It moves forward in overlapping circles that add up over time. So sometimes, when you’re creating change, you can feel as if you’re repeating the same thing over and over. Or, you get lost in what you’re doing at the moment. It helps to stop every once in a while to check your progress and see the bigger picture. To be able to look back and say “wow! I wouldn’t have been able to do that a year ago!” This is to the women and girls who are change-makers.